Hikki's Mind
by andre4108
Summary: Imagine Hikigaya but a lot (I mean a lot) more sarcastic and mean. Sagami is going to be a bigger character in this story. Going to diverge a lot from the canon and Hayama...You'll have to read to find out. There will be Yandere tendencies but Hikki will handle it. Some dark jokes but nothing too messed up. Rated M cause of the language.
1. chapter 1

Hikki's Mind

It's after school and I'm bored out of my mind. I've literally been reading the same page for over an hour and hoping that nobody notices.

You Know I get it, I'm anti-social but what the fuck are you doing Yuigahama!?

You've been staring at the table this whole time!

She must've realized that's probably the only wood she going to get from me.

...It's the only logical conclusion.

Then we got Ms.Ice Queen over their. Reading 50 ways to cut yourself. I know I sound rude but fuck them honestly.

I'm just kidding, even I have standards.

You're probably wondering what's made me so irritable today...It's Sagami signing me up for the student council.

I don't hit girls but...You know I'm not even going to finish that sentence.

Now I'm aware that I might've said some... Not so pleasent words to her but to be fair I saved her social life.

Honestly I've saved a lot of people from embarrassment and social rejection and yet no one truly thanks me. *ignores hayama*

Except for my wonderful angel Totsuka...Now listen guys I'm not gay. All I'm saying is that if me and Totsuka were in opposite bathroom stalls and somehow there just so happens to be a hole their...Some rash decisions will be made.

I quickly snap out of my thoughts as the single and still not ready to mingle teacher flings the door open.

She looks at me with those "I'd so fuck you if it was legal eyes." and says "Hey Hikki You want to have some fun?"...Ok that's not what she did or said.

What she actually did was look at me with a stern and serious face and say

"Hikigaya, we need to talk in my office"

...So pretty much the same thing.

As I get up to leave and follow Ms.Shizuka out the door. My clubmates wave bye to me but have a somewhat sadden look on their faces.

I wanted to flip them off but I decided on only waving back. Cause I'm a nice guy.

As I shut the door I notice something quite alarming...Someone keeps adding more fucking stickers to the door!


	2. Chapter 2

The Problem?

As me and Shizuka walk far enough she asked me a simple question.

"So, who did it?"

I respond to her the only way I know how.

"...*grunt noises*..."

She stares at me intently and slowly balls her fist up.

Me knowing that I held the high ground in this fight because we were in the hallways surronded by camera's. I decide to push my luck.

As she stares at me I decide to ask a question myself.

"How's the kids?"

Innocent question that would only leave me with a couple broken bones and some minor severe fractures.

I notice that she was quiet and then looked forward and realized we were only a couple feet away from her office.

My knees soon grow weak and my palms are sweaty.

The devil Shizuka notices my slown and nervous pace and evily smirks at me.

"You know I could report your ass."...Is what I wanted to say but what I actually said was "Y...I...uh...cou...ss".

Now we stand infront of the door which she opens very slowly and drags me in by the wrist forcefully.

She sits down in her chair and ask me another question.

"Why did you go to sleep in my class."

I wanted to put her to sleep right their.

I was furious at her. Yes, Sagami was the one to suggest me but she was the one to accept it!

"Listen I was tired Shizuka and before I even slept the class was having a heated debate on whether or not water can be classified as "wet"."

"That's are quality question Hikigaya and I like to have my students think outside the box." She said nervously.

"If they're homeless I'd rather have them thinking inside the box honestly."

Shizuka growing irritated says

"That's not the point. The point is that you slept in my class and ignored my lectures. Hikigaya you're a smart kid but atleast try to be more social. "

"Why?"

"Because then you wouldn't be in this situation now would you? This effects more than just you."

I can't believe a 30 year old and still single and not ready to mingle teacher is talking to me about my social life.

"I know."

"Really Hikigaya, that's what you respond with?"

Shizuka looks at me notices that I'm conceding the fight...For now.

"Well I also need to talk to you about your club. So how's the service club doing?"

"Um it's ok."

"So boring?"

"Yep."

"Really? Cause I find it never boring with you."

I was a bit caught off guard by the comment and it made me blush a little.

"I...Don't think that's true but ok"

She gives me a smirk that melts my non exsistent heart.

"If only you were younger." I barely whisper to myself.

"What" she says.

"Nothing!" I reply quickly.

We then had back and forth conversation for awhile.

We both realize it's getting late and we quickly say our goodbyes but I hear her mumble something quietly

"If...You...older." was all I could decipher from her words.

The club was still open but I decided to skip out and go home and contemplate on how House Of Cards will end after the whole Kevin Spacey incident.

Authors Notes:

So as you noticed this was different from the first chapter and I'm wondering which route I should go before I do long chapters.

Do you want more chapters like this or the first one?

I'm completely ok with hate as long as it's funny or have some constructive critisism to it.

Don't worry I will get to other characters like Sagami fairly soon.

Updates on this will not be consistent unless it's really loved. I'm mostly focusing on Naruto type stories later on.

Also if you do choose chapter 1 style of writing just know that I will not slow down on the "edgy" content.


	3. Chapter 3

I'm Not Sorry

As I'm about to get on my bike and ride away to leave school I'm greeted by a very familiar face.

"Oh, hey Hikigaya! why are you out here so early?"

This is Zaimokuza. He's really the closest thing I have to a "genuine" friend. Our "friendship" wasn't based on looks, status, or even pity. It was just flat out personality.

Which leads me to believe he's gay.

It's kinda the only logical conclusion here.

I mean even I wouldn't hang out with a person like myself willingly.

I look at him and I think he knows that I'm about to lie my ass off right now so before I say anything he says.

"Wait! Let me guess. You just don't want to go to the club?"

Wow...You know me so well. I almost feel bad for not giving a shit about him during freshmen year...Almost.

"Yep, what gave it away?"

"Your eye's."

"What?"

He's gay! I called it!

"You always quickly look away when you're about to lie."

"Oh."

Ok...Maybe I over exaggerated just a little bit.

As we talk for a bit I notice Yuigahama and Yukino look at us through the windows of our school from the 2nd floor.

As I look at Their faces I notice yukino has resting bitch face as per usual but Yuigahama has this weird stoic look on her face.

It doesn't really fit her honestly. I should probably tell her...Nah she's probably alright.

I start to shiver and Zaimokuza looks at me with worry in his eyes.

"You okay Hikigaya?"

"No. I don't feel so great." I say quietly.

Zaimokuza gives me a quick wink and I quickly stumble into him.

He subtely puts a small box into my pocket during the exchange.

"Mission complete?" he says

"Mission complete." I say with a smirk.

We use that as a form of goodbye as he and I both go our seperate ways.

I hop on my bike and ride out of the school feeling as though I just commited a successful robbery.

"The new Sumo Slammer figurine is now firmly in my grasp." I say with pride.

A bit of bike riding later...

I'm finally at my home so now I can watch me some House Of Cards!

As I go to unlock the door it quickly opens up before I even touch it.

Now ladies, that usually doesn't happen all the time.

I'm met with a cute and angry looking sister who sa

ys...

"Why did you not come back?"

"House Of Cards."

"Which season?"

"...3"

Komachi goes to slap me but my reflexes prove to be too great as I dodge her hit and fall directly on my ass.

"Are you serious Hikki?!"

"This is abuse!" I yell

She gives me look that a father would give his son after finding out he wants to be a stay at home dad when he grows up...Not that I would know or anything.

"*sigh* Just come in."

I get up with my ass hurting a bit more than usual.

I walk in to get a good whiff of freshly cooked shit.

"Komachi what the fuck are you cooking?"

"Stuff."

"Will this "stuff" kill me?"

"Maybe."

My sister might just be turning into Yuigahama 2.0 and not in the good way.

"Look I'm so-"

"Stop! There's no need to apologize." She says with an innocent smile on her face.

Actually I was going to say "look I'm so tired of your shit!" but I guess she doesn't need to know that.

I wait and watch tv on the couch as she prepares the "food".

I decide to get up and help set the table.

As we finally sit and get ready to eat the "food" She gives me quick smirk and ask me to try it first.

I look at her with a calm and composed face and slowly get up and quickly try to run out.

But she figured out my 1 weakness. Tripping.

She extends her leg out and I trip over her it and fall in comedic fashion on my face.

I try to crawl away but before I can she grabs a spoon full of "her food" and mounts me from the back.

And no it did not get kinky from there.

"Help!" I scream

She looks at me sinisterly and pushes my head down while trying to feed me.

I feel like I'm being violated honestly.

I mean she could've atleast took me out to dinner first...Oh nevermind.

As the struggle continues she finally successfully gets a little tiddly wink of it in my mouth.

I am shocked. It only tastes a little bit like ass so nothing too disgusting.

"Ew!"

"Ha! That's what you get Hikki! You shouldn't have left without telling them like douche! They waited for you!"

At this moment I realized something very important.

"...Ok" I say.

I don't give a fuck about feelings.

She kept talking about how I should've been more upfront and honest with them.

I knew she wasn't truly mad because I would've been stabbed atleast once if she was.

She was however quite irritated though.

I eventually calmed her down and said I wouldn't do it again.

I was lying but she decided to humor me and let it slide for now.

After dinner we quicky clean up everything and head to our own rooms.

I open my bedroom door and quickly went to lay on my bed after getting my ass beat by a untrained girl.

I soon decided to take out my phone and watch some youtube video's but this time I had 3 new messages. 1 from yuigahama and the other 2 from some unkown people.

I open the first unknown texter and it says

"Do you like my gift Mr. Student council president?"

"*Middle finger emoji*"

That's definetly wannabe queen bitch sagami right there.

I open the next unknown text.

"jam-eseo neoleul jug-ilgeoya."

Hmm? I don't know what this means.

"Wrong number" I text.

Then I read my last and certainley least favorite text.

"Hey why didn't you tell us you were not coming back! *angry face emoticon* You also missed me adding a new sticker to the club door."

I don't know what came over me but I reply with...

"Fuck you."

I quickly turn my phone off knowing that I have just made a grave mistake.

I check my pocket for the box.

"Fuck...Me." is all I can say.

Author Notes:

I still haven't decided on the style yet so I'll give it a day or 2 before it's official.

I had a specific idea for this story but it keeps changing so take everything you read from here take it with a grain of salt.

I know I need to go in depth with the student council thing and that's what the next chapters will be about.

If you honestly got all of my refrences so far then good for you. I'll try to do more.

I was going to have Haruno be the Yandere but I changed my mind.

I'm sorry Yui fans because she will be treated like Meg (from family guy) in this story. She will have her moments though and this also doesn't mean she can't end up with Hikigaya. *wink* *wink*

Also Hikigaya will be with someone by the end of this story. There will be no "We all can be together." type shit.


	4. Chapter 4

Not Going

As I lay in the darkness, I am then greeted with with some... Familiar wetness.

Now this is not the enjoyable kind of wetness. This is the "I'm going to fucking kill you Komachi!" kind of wetness.

I decided to calm down.

Because my mother has always told me that murder was never the answer.

"Hehehe...You up Hikki?" She says mischievously.

Although my father on the other hand...

"What the fuck sis?!" I say quite angrly.

She looks at me smirkfully

"Check the time."

Before I decide to take her life and mine soon after I decided to look at my alarm clock.

With water on my face and an erection that weirdly won't go away with my sister in the room.

I make a choice that I would later find out was a terrible idea considering I am in the "running" to be the student council president.

"Fuck it. I'm not going." I say.

She looks at me blankly and says

"Ok."

I was flabbergasted.

It was seriously that easy?

I thought about the precautions of my actions but in the end of the day they seem to only hurt my chances to be student council president more which I liked a lot.

I decide to turn my phone on and see what I missed.

53 new text messages*

Wow...This is what it's like to be popular?

I decide to check the nessages and what a suprise. 49 of them are from Yuigahama.

How is that even possible? I thought after the first 5 text messages you'd think "hmm maybe he doesn't want to talk right now."

Yuigahama you never fail to amaze me.

I quickly skim through her comments and notice something very strange.

It first starts off with a couple of text basically meaning "Why would you say that? You know how I feel." type text messages.

Then it pretty much completly ignores my "fuck you." comment by then acting buddy buddy with me by saying

"hey, how's it going?"

"I noticed that you read a lot of R.L. Stine books. I love his work too!"

"You want to get some max coffee before we go to our club tomorrow?"

"My Snapchat is..."

Then it got weirder from here.

"Have you ever thought about what our baby would look like? Hypothetically of course."

Fish eyed and mentally unstable child who could take over the world or just be that child we just never talk about. They will however have 2 very huge...Is that Chris Hansen knocking on my door?

"That "how's the kids?" joke was amazing LOL"

How does she know this? She wasn't even there!

"I was."

Did she just read my mind?

After looking at a lot of her messages I decided to stop reading them and move on to someone actually important.

I check Yukino's text and I don't even try to read it.

This bitch literally just sent me a 7 page essay.

Thesis included and body paragraphs all mapped out with a lengthy conclusion to finish it.

Now this next message was actually something.

It was from Haruno. I hate her with a passion.

Not because she's fake but because she's actually aware.

She knows everything about anyone at anytime and yet she's still...A fucking bitch.

Let's just say If we all were in a murder mansion. She'd be the first one to find out the killer and then not tell anyone because she just loves the rush apparently.

She's a crack fend with her drug being people's pain and suffering.

That being said her message left me pretty uncomfortable to say the least.

"I know you're staying home right now *smiley face emoji*"

I look at the time at which she sent the message and realize it was just about a couple minutes after I had said that I wasn't going to school.

This meant either 1 of 2 things.

1\. Komachi snitched.

2\. She's stalking me.

I quickly assume it's number 1 because why would anyone stalk me? I'm not that interesting.

A bunch of girls and 1 half boy/girl and woman sneeze simultaneously*

I don't respond to her text and move on to sagami's message.

"You're a bit-"

I quickly block her number before I even finish her comment.

Now I'm down to the last message and it's by that unknown person again.

It looks like it's korean but I'm too lazy to translate it.

"dangsin-ui sigan-eun jeomjeom jjalb-ajigo issseubnida."

Yeah it's probably for someone else. I decide to block this number as well.

(2 hours later...)

I've been playing this game called "Doki Doki Literature Club!" for a bit now and so far it's pretty good.

Zaimokuza recommended this game to me and he told me that this game wouldn't leave me hanging and so far It's pretty true.

As I play I hear a knock on the door. I'm confused and wondering whether or not to answer it.

I decided "what's the worse that can happen?"

I quickly go to open the door only to be greeted by...

(Find out on the next time of Attack on...Nevermind.)

Author Notes:

I know I just made all of you pretty mad with that ending. So I decided to have you guys pick who you want him to see at his door.

No one is off limits and you guys can decide who he falls in love with but that's still a bit away.

After chapter 7 you might see a drop off of consistent uploads cause I want to focus on my other terrible fanfics.

Constructive critisism is highly appreciated and tell me if you don't like the way the story is going I don't get too offended.

Also what's your opinion on dark humor and do you have any limits?


End file.
